Summer is a State of Mind

It’s that time of year kiddies…..

I know the calendar tells me I still have twenty some days until the Autumnal Equinox but that is in direct competition with the Back to School and Halloween ads which dominate the radio and TV air waves beamed in from businesses driven by sales figures, that long ago forgot all about the summer dreams of children on carefree hot summer nights.   Nights when the windows of our house were open and you could hear the sounds of the street and feel the warm summer breezes.  So today, I stow away our beach chairs, fold the beach towels and place Marie’s beach bag in storage for another year.   

My daughter’s most favorite possessions in the world currently lie in organized piles in our living room.  These include the necessary staples of a typical college student; lamps, pillows, linens and room dividers, along with framed photos and picture collages of friends and family members.  She has carefully selected these uniquely personal items to keep her company for the next nine months in the confines of her college suite away from mom and dad. 

She begins her sophomore year at Rider this week. 

This year she is living in a six girl suite with her BFF’s; Stefanie, Meagen, Christy, Mary and Alex.  These girls were once college strangers that became college friends during her freshman year.  These are girls she has secretly confided with, studied with, partied with, cried with and schemed with, together living the College Experience when their moms and dads were not around.  These girls know my daughter’s deepest secrets and fears, share inside jokes and moments that I will never have the privilege of knowing.  As parents, that reality gives us a moment to pause, but at this stage in their lives, this is exactly the way things should be playing out.   

Remember our college days, parents……

We have both learned a lot since we were last together on this campus.  Lauren has learned about the life lessons challenges teach us, while I’ve learned that this journey is hers and hers alone.  It is not mine.  It is not Marie’s.  We may try and get our kids into certain schools to follow in our footsteps, but ultimately they must choose their own destination.  We may also try and help them with their college essays, but in the end they must find their own voice.  This is very difficult for parents to accept.  It was for me.  Gone are the days of putting band-aids on skinned knees and taking them out to their favorite restaurants when life’s disappointments visited.  Lauren will be twenty years old in January.

The best Marie and I can do is to tell her that we love her.  However, the ball is fully in her court.   Having one year of college behind her, she is also in a better place to accept this responsibility than she was this time last year.  So is dad.    

This weekend Marie and I sat down with Lauren and expressed our concerns and reinforced our expectations for college year number #2.    We praised her past accomplishments, while suggesting the course load and work effort will only intensify this year.  We told her we love her.  We told her we support her.  We remain extremely proud of the young woman she is becoming, however tomorrow will be another day and another challenge will be presented to her.  It is no different for mom and dad decades removed from syllabuses and frat parties.  How she accepts this fact-of-life will ultimately help to shape her character and determine the likelihood she will be happy and successful three years from now when she is introduced into the Education profession as a College Graduate.

It’s now all about her putting forth her absolute best effort.  Last year is over.  No more excuses, she’s already taken a one year dry-run lap on this test course.  While she did good last year, both Marie and I believe she can do better.  I told her I do not expect a 4.0 GPA but I do expect her best and complete effort.  She should have no regrets this time next year when she begins her junior year.  I told her I believe this year it will be more difficult living among five other girls, amid diversions and distractions, with the availability and access to cars and escapism always lingering in the background.  I remember when I had a car down at Delaware!  I also recounted to Lauren, my inability to finish my CPA certification early in my professional career and how a decision I made then, impacts my future career choices now.  I don’t want her post-college choices to be limited.   Her chances for success and happiness start now, not in three years when she receives that college diploma. 

Don’t get me wrong, I do want her to have a blast at college.  Sadly, she will never ever have this much freedom again.  I’ve already lived this stage of her life, so I know this to be true.  I will always fondly remember my fraternity filled college days at the University of Delaware.  Going away to college, was absolutely the best thing I did.  I can already sense that Lauren made a good decision going away for her post secondary education, especially in a small college environment.  She has embraced Rider and Rider her.  She calls it home.  While that may be tough for a parent to accept, I’m glad she’s happy with her college choice.  Not all of her high school friends have fared as well.  In that regard, she is slightly ahead of the game.

So……it’s been a great summer of 2011 for dad and daughter.   While it was a quick and fast paced three months, we had some very memorable times together, with our family vacation to Mexico being a highlight for both of us!  We shared some Phillies’ games, concerts, movies and fun times down the Shore.  We blinked and summer raced by. 

Now it’s time for both of us to buckle down and get back to the task at hand.

As for summer, Jimmy taught me it’s all a “State of Mind”.   Soon we will both have some time to unwind and relax in the company of our friends and together once our work is completed.

I’m very much looking forward to those moments together.  Like summer, I have complete faith they will once again arrive…….