My New Brand: "Goofy Foot"

Recently, my billion-dollar employer committed $75 million to a new globally based branding strategy. Our new logo, accompanied by print ads and virtual content, will be seen in trade publications, TV ads, newspapers and cyberspace in the coming months.

This got me thinking ...

In response to this announcement, I called an emergency meeting of my Board of Directors to address these latest developments. In the big bad business world, it’s either kill or be killed, and since I have way too many outstanding items on my growing Bucket List, I felt I needed to be guided by the experts when it comes to matters of this magnitude.

The time has come to reinvent G. Scott Kern!

The economy is in the toilet, global outlook sucks, consumer confidence is at an all-time low. I need some ideas here! Nothing is off-limits—except the hair!

Financial weighed in first: You do realize we have a limited budget. We’re thinking someone along the lines of Jeff Bridges as a potential spokesperson. Now, we cannot afford the Dude personality due to a recent spike in his The Big Lebowski cult hero status, and nobody remembers The Fisher King role, so we’re thinking Crazy Heart here. Listen up: Aging professional, seeking redemption, young at heart, one more chance, plays well to the late 30s through early 50s demographic. We can test market this, but we believe this is our slam dunk marketplace. I think there’s a huge upside with solid numbers here. America loves an underdog!

R&D was next: Okay, given the early 60s backstory with your mother—drank and smoke during the pregnancy due to the lack of awareness back then. Car seats were not yet invented, probably multiple undiagnosed concussions due to head trauma. Also a steady diet of bologna sandwiches during your teen years. We’re still waiting on the final conclusions from the bio-tech sector, but this could play well with the Bridges' character scenario as suggested by the bean counters. We could possibly jump on the current athlete “donate brain to science” craze, which could score some points with the philanthropy folks. Need some input from Legal here, though.

Marketing chimed in: Well, if that’s the case we can definitely play to the individualistic aspects of the brand. Wears sneakers to the office, L.L.Bean backpack instead of Italian leather briefcase, never seen without his iPod and Ray-Bans, strong aversion to Blackberry and smartphones. “Goofy Foot” is an oft-used surfer term that describes an unusual surfing style. Reportedly coined from the Disney folks. In some early 50s Disney cartoons, Goofy can be seen riding his skateboard with his right foot forward. Again, need some help from Legal to check copyrights with both the surfing community as well as the Mouse People. Goofy Foot also lends itself well to logos. Let’s check with the design folks and commission some early drafts and storyboards. Let’s make it appeal to an early 50s, hip but sophisticated crowd. I’m thinking Mad Men angle here. All that retro stuff is the bomb now! You know, chic business attire with a casual feel. Neutral-colored dockers with smart bowling shirts and Reyn Spooner resort wear. The individual accountant, lone wolf, apart from the crowd—has promise!

Public Relations followed: Okay, we’re going to need some music here to build on the print and TV ads. Jimmy Buffett is out of the question. I think Financial will agree he’s way too expensive, plus Legal tells me he’s got a team of shark lawyers on retainer that search the world for “Margaritaville” trademark violations. How about 70s classic rockers Yes? Hang on, hang on here. Think about it: Good karma and strong positive message. However, not sure we want any “photo ops” with these guys, as they are well into their 60s, plus Steve Howe looks a little scary these days. We’ll have to build some street cred with some of the newer bands. Read that the Foo Fighters referenced them in a recent issue of Rolling Stone as an early musical influence. Let’s fact-check that and then promote the hell out of it! Foo Fighters were just on Jimmy Fallon recently. They are everywhere now! Might bring in the late 20s and early 30s demo. 

Good work here folks!

I like this new line of thinking. Embrace the change, dare to be different Mojo! It’s a salmon swimming upstream kinda thing. I think this has a lot of potential.

We’re on to something. Not sure exactly what, but I like the momentum we’re building. This could be big!
Okay, let’s update the Mission Statement and I think we’re good. Are we good?

Next order of business?